In my 9 Steps to Perfect Health series, I argued that stress management may be the most important of all of the steps of ancestral health.
Why? Because no matter what diet you follow, how much you exercise and what supplements you take, if you’re not managing your stress you will still be at risk for modern degenerative conditions like heart disease, diabetes, hypothyroidism and autoimmunity.
Most people living in the modern world experience continuous stress in the form of daily hassles, relationship troubles, problems at work, chronic illness, or other external life events.
Many of you may feel defeated or overwhelmed by stress. I understand this. Stress management is hard. It asks a lot of us. It forces us to slow down, to step back, to disengage (if only for a brief time) from the electric current of modern life. It asks us to prioritize self-care in a culture that does not value it.
While I feel your pain, and still struggle with stress management myself, I’ve got to lay down some tough love here. If you’re not doing some form of regular stress management, you will sabotage all of your best efforts with diet, exercise and supplements. Stress management is absolutely crucial to optimal health and longevity. If most health conscious people spent even half the amount of time they spend focusing on nutrition and exercise on managing their stress, they’d be a lot better off.
Have you ever wondered why some people are devastated by stress, while others are relatively unaffected? Or why some people thrive in high-pressure, driven work environments while others self-destruct?
The reason different people respond so differently to the same stressors is that our response to stress is largely defined by perception.
Say you’ve just had a fight with your partner. If you perceive it as a trivial, passing event with little significance, it is unlikely to trigger a significant stress response. However, if you see it as a sign that your relationship is doomed and will be a lifelong source of unhappiness (okay, I’m exaggerating to make a point!), you can bet that it will trigger a massive stress response.
Four Key Factors That Determine How We Respond to Stress
So what determines the intensity of our response to a particular stressor? Research has identified four key factors: (1)
- The novelty of the event
- The unpredictable nature of the event
- A perceived threat to our body or ego
- A sense of loss of control
Some researchers and clinicians use the acronym N.U.T.S. (novelty, unpredictability, threat, sense of no control) to refer to them. I think that’s perfect!
This concept of perceived stress has important implications.
The first is that we can influence how we respond to stressors by changing how we perceive them. In psychology, this is known as “reframing.”
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Let’s say you lose your job. If you perceive that event as a sign of your worthlessness and an indicator that you’ll never be successful, I think you can imagine how your body will respond (it won’t be fun!).
But what if you saw the loss of your job as an opportunity to pursue a longtime dream that you’ve ignored and a chance for a fresh start? In this case, losing your job would be unlikely to trigger a harmful stress response and may even be a source of “eustress,” or positive stress.
I’m not suggesting that it’s possible, or even desirable, to put a positive spin on tragic or horrific events. But if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by all of the minor, daily hassles that characterize most of our lives, reframing can be a powerful way of mitigating the impact of that stress.
Five Tools for Reframing Stressful Experiences
The good news about reframing is that it gives us a measure of control over how we respond to the stressful events of life.
Here are five tools that you can use to reframe stressful experiences.
1. Question Your Thoughts
Recognize that your thoughts about the stressful event are just thoughts—they aren’t real, and you don’t have to believe them. Ask yourself whether your thoughts are really true and accurate, or whether they are just a perception or belief.
2. Embrace a Threat as a Challenge
Ask yourself if there is a seed of opportunity or growth in the stressful event. For example, if you’ve just been diagnosed with a chronic illness, can you use that event as a way of giving yourself permission to take better care of yourself?
3. Expand Your Time Horizon
Ask yourself whether what you’re upset about will matter in a month, a year, or a decade. Even more powerful is the “rocking chair test.” Imagine yourself at 100 years old, in a rocking chair, reflecting on your life. Will this event matter? Will you even remember it at all?
4. Increase Your Sense of Control
We can’t control everything, and trying to do that is a recipe for suffering (both for you and for those around you!). That said, research has shown that it is our sense of control, rather than actually being in control, that determines how strongly stress impacts us. Focusing your attention on the things that you can influence, finding creative solutions, and making a list of resources you can draw on or people you can ask for help can increase your sense of control and minimize the effect that the stressful event has on you.
5. Recognize That Not All Stress Is Harmful
When I first started to do a lot of public speaking, I interpreted the faster heartbeat, damp hands, and shakiness I felt before going up on stage as “anxiety.” Over time, I learned to see those symptoms simply as an expression of the energy, excitement, and anticipation I was feeling—as something positive, rather than negative. Just changing how I perceived the meaning of these sensations completely altered my experience of them.
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Why Mindfulness Is so Important
The tools above can be powerful allies in stressful situations, but they all depend upon one thing: your capacity to stay present in a difficult situation.
Stressful experiences often trigger a cascade of fears, anxieties, and “stories” we tell ourselves about what the event means about us or our future (i.e., “I didn’t get this job. I’ll never be successful!”).
This is why I’m such a big believer in mindfulness practice. It helps us to ground our attention in the present moment and focus on what is, right now, rather than what we fear might be.
Worrying about the future is especially stressful because we don’t have control over it and can’t respond to imagined threats. But we can influence how we respond to what is happening in the present moment, if that is where we direct our attention.
Here are a few simple tips for getting started with mindfulness practice, from psychologist and mindfulness teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn:
- Pay close attention to your breathing, especially when you’re feeling intense emotions.
- Notice—really notice—what you’re sensing in a given moment: the sights, sounds, and smells that ordinarily slip by without reaching your conscious awareness.
- Recognize that your thoughts and emotions are fleeting and do not define you, an insight that can free you from negative thought patterns.
- Tune into your body’s physical sensations, from the water hitting your skin in the shower to the way your body rests in your office chair.
There are numerous ways to learn more about mindfulness and deepen your practice. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Program is a great place to start. You can take an eight-week class at many locations across the US, or learn online. My 14Four program, which helps you optimize your diet, sleep, physical activity, and stress management in 14 days, has several mindfulness tutorials on audio and video. And this link has some additional resources and videos worth checking out.
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT): Mindfulness + Reframing
Both mindfulness and reframing are powerful tools in changing how we respond to stress, but when you put them together, they’re even more effective. This is exactly what Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) is all about.
Way back in 2008, a study in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology showed that MBCT proved as effective as antidepressants in preventing depression relapse and more effective in enhancing people’s quality of life. The study also showed MBCT to be as cost-effective as prescription drugs in helping people with a history of depression stay well in the longer term.
Over the 15 months after the trial, 47 percent of the group following the MBCT course experienced a relapse, compared with 60 percent of those continuing their normal treatment, including anti-depressant drugs. In addition, the group on the MBCT program reported a higher quality of life in terms of their overall enjoyment of daily living and physical well-being.
For more about MBCT, including information about classes and training, check out MBCT.com. I also recommend searching for a local MBCT practitioner to work with in your area if you think this approach would benefit you.
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The distinction between being in control and having a sense of control is for me the golden nugget in your post. Almost all ppl I know would get upset when things don’t go their way. IN a sense we are finding neat solutions to all problems in life. Maybe the major disruptions in our life are worth all the trouble. We cannot always anchor our ships to the shore all the time. That is what makes us alive. In all the struggles in my life, now that I look back at some of them, I wish I could have lived them more fuller without being so attached to the outcome. Sure managing stress doe not come easy but knowing there is an alternate way to looking at things sure does make my horizon more brighter!
By and far one of the biggest changes I have made in the past two years is incorporating at least 10 minutes of meditation into my morning routine. It feels like it turns the volume down on everything afterwards.
When under duress, I find grounding my body on the earth & focusing my attention on one small, tangible item helps, like sitting outside on the ground in nature, holding a blade of grass, or flower petal. Also, surrendering to what is helps me to turn off the monkey mind.
Interesting conversations. My hubby died suddenly 10 months ago after 40 years of an incredibly wonderful marriage. Never knew what stress was until then. We married very young and grew up together loving each other deeply along with the family we created; so blessed. Please know we had our stress…financial, child-rearing, work, caregiving, cancers, etc., but we handled all of it without too much worry or concern. Now I’m broken in half and the only thing that gives me peace is relying on God and the amazing large group of people in my life along with family; I’m never alone. I get up everyday before heading to work to read the Bible and write in my husband’s journal and I make sure I record all the blessings I sometimes take for granted. SO much to be thankful for…so much relief with simple gratitude from the many stresses of managing a new life without my true love.
What a blessing it was to read your comment, Lisa. It brought me to tears to find such a jewel of wisdom in a comment thread here. The faith that God has given you is a beautiful thing. Thank you for your example of gratitude, even in such a hard time in your life when you are without your husband. I know our merciful and mighty Father will be taking care of you until you see him again in glory someday. I look forward to meeting you there 🙂
I think mindfulness is quite important, yes, but also making sure that there are no mineral deficiencies, thyroid issues and/or adrenal issues are present. Personally, once these things were corrected for me, my ability to handle stress changed significantly. Just sayin’
I agree… I never had depression I don’t think-but I struggled with negative thoughts!!! Only think that was at that time keeping me alive was constant . I did NLP, NET, PKP… And they were amazing!! BUT nothing really changed until I got treated for pyrrole disorder and strep A Infection spread all thru my system… Now Life is sweet and happy… The question is how did we get ourself a there in a first place;)xx
Read Chris Kresser’s comment below.
Yes. Biology is behind ninety percent of stress intolerance for me. Psychology has never played much of a role, except for about three weeks because of a supplement I took that had copper in it. It had a ‘pyroluric’ effect and I found myself thinking very negatively for the first time ever.